1 2 3 4 . . .


I haven’t been writing in this blog for a few weeks. I have been writing and creating but in another way…for my new business partner that walks around talking about the value of “truth” just about every moment of every day. Her message is invaluable. She talks about how fear, anger, insecurity and lack of self-love prohibit living a life of truth and joy. It is a necessary message for most who remain living in fear in this old outworn way of living that all too many still embrace. I believe we were brought together so that I may help her with her message, her instruction, her coaching and her path in this lifetime. It is rewarding work. I believe in what I am doing.

However, I don’t have a lot of time for my own spiritual progression right now. That is sometimes hard. My spiritual path is new. My intuition is growing by leaps and bounds but I use it little as I turn away and once again embrace the business skills that I honed over decades of business life. Little time, if any, is available for much else during the last weeks and probably the next few weeks. Using my intuition is beautiful. I miss doing that every day all day long. Using my business skills is easy, necessary and not at all spiritually uplifting for me.

But I see a lot of the number 1234 right now and that keeps me going. What is special about that number showing up at exactly this time in life over and over again each day? It’s the knowing that it is a message from something I (and others) call “source” or “spirit”. It is the energy that connects all of us together with everything we dream, breathe, live, see, know and even all that we don’t. I didn’t always believe that way. If you look at some of my earlier blogs you will see that this spiritual way I live was a life time of coming into being. After opening my mind I see so many patterns and rhythms and recognize the synchronicity and unmistakable order to all that is.

How do I mean synchronicity and unmistakable pattern/order? The phone rings at 12:34, a taxi 1234 passes by, I pickup my takeout – receipt $12.34, a new friend lives at 1234 W. Monroe, I sing a song I like and notice for the first time it’s called “1234”, phone numbers appear with 1234 and license plates show up along my path that include 1234…and these are just some examples. 1234 is unmistakably present in my life right now.

Why is it reassuring? Because I believe in synchonicity and when I first noticed the number I googled it. In numerology the sequence/meaning for “1234” is “needing to take steps”. Those that see it often are being guided to realize that they are needing to take a sequence of steps in order to move along a path. Seeing this number at exactly this time is incredibly powerful, helpful…and as mentioned…reassuring.

I like to help people find their connection to spirit/source. I feel it is my life purpose. I think few can do this without living in truth. I have the connection and intuitive ability to help people that are searching for it. So all of the work that my business partner does every day prepares people for the lessons that I would like to teach. I want everyone on this planet to understand that we are love and light. We are all meant to be full of love. I am working on helping my business partner teach 1, 2, 3 and the start of 4 in that journey people are taking in this life they are living. After they learn to live in truth and pursue happiness and joy perhaps 5, 6, 7, 8 and the connection they find to spirit/source swiftly follows. The sense of connection that I feel is miraculously wonderful. I would wish everyone would take the steps to find it.

It’s a beautiful sequence of numbers 1 2 3 4.

Meaning posted on Angel scribes – “Number 1234 can be seen as a number of progression and/or steps along a journey or life path. Angel Number 1234 is often seen as ‘steps’, with subsequent number sequences (eg. 567 … 789 etc.) appearing once the 1234 sequence is acknowledged and recognized, and the ‘steps’ and actions taken by the individual. Know that you have all that you need within to achieve your goals and aspirations … you just have to make the choices to do so, and take the appropriate actions.   Have faith and trust in yourself Angel Number 1234 indicates that you may have to put some hard work and effort towards a new project, venture or important life-change, and these will be of long-term benefit to yourself and your loved ones.  Trust that the work and effort you have put in towards achieving your goals and aspirations will be well worth your while and you will find long-term success and personal fulfillment.”

(click here to watch the song I was singing….1234)

That simple light that comes from complicated darkness is the path we take.


The illuminated mind…..

illuminated mind

“The illuminated mind is beyond all sorrow”. Or Is it? That is indeed a beautiful quote that is frequently bantered around within the new age spiritual movement. Let’s think about that quote. Is any mind beyond all sorrow every moment of every day of every year of our life on this planet? Probably not. But our minds are capable of objectively resetting after loss, wounds or disappointment.

What is an objective reset? I think it starts with understanding the benefit and wonder of joy and love. We should understand that joy and love are felt in your heart but your mind interferes at times. It starts with further understanding that joy and love can be maintained even after a loss or wound. If you experience love and joy within yourself you also process that love is a flow of energy. An energy of joy and love is renewable by having our mind take responsibility for our choices, our mistakes and living our truth as well as the further responsibility to heal ourselves after experiencing loss. The joy and love that comes from allowing mind to follow heart into love and joy allows a state of somewhat perpetual illumination as we objectively reset after loss or pain.

Perhaps that explanation is not necessary for some that may find their way to this blog post…but that simple realization was an epiphany to me. I stumbled into having illumination with that realization. I have learned to reset my mind objectively. I have learned this via paying attention to my heart and helping my mind do the same. I feel brilliantly lucky. I like to share my path to this lucky state of heart and mind illumination – in the hopes that it may be helpful to those that can make the choice to live with joy and love.

My accidental state of illumination came along after I experienced a very dark period. In truth I didn’t see the dark period coming though it is obvious now with my big enlightened mind and heart. I was theoretically entering a wonderful period. I was slender, attractive, successful, cultured, surrounded by “friends”, just dating a man that quickly wanted to offer me the world…it all sounds so wonderful right? How was it the darkest period I was entering?

I was completely unconnected to anything beyond ego, old wounds left unhealed and fear. I seemed happy to others. At times I felt momentarily happy. But moments of happiness were fleeting as I made choice after choice to satisfy the ego that was satisfying old wounds left unhealed that created fear. The harder I worked at resolving my failures by protecting my wounds the more hopeless and dark it felt. The poor choices of ego created a very empty life indeed….giving myself away for little, hiding old wounds and living with fear simply does not allow for love and joy.

It is important to say that I do not blame anyone but myself and I forgave even myself along the way to illumination. (This is a completely necessary task for illumination) If you are walking around with a lifetime of unhealed wounds….you probably will make some mistakes. Life wounds all of us at times…we all have healing to do periodically. I was overdue for the healing. My choices were finally so poor that the healing could not help but be following the darkest moments from that time of sadness. The darkest hour can sometimes be the most important hour if we are willing to embrace change.

I embraced illuminating change.

I left the career after realizing that it all just felt empty and pointless. I left the relationship with an incapable man after one unspeakable fight too many…angry and hurt. I left several empty friendships that took and gave little beyond my ability to say I had “friends”. I took a hiatus from dating and worked at clearing old wounds with understanding of lessons, gratitude for the lessons and released so much pain. I started having such a sense of peace and well being that was swiftly followed by understanding of my connectedness to truth and my heart. This connectedness spread to a greater understanding of self-love’s and unconditional love’s role. In truth “science” repeatedly shows the connectedness of all to everything. My mind was faster to grasp that connection than my heart. But after grasping the concept of universal connection I began to feel a greater sense of love that was beyond myself in my heart. Feeling unconditional universal love was swiftly followed by illumination and the understanding of objective reset that is necessary for maintaining joy and love.

The joy and love I try to maintain is not just for me…it’s for the world that I touch and live within too. If I am connected to all and all is connected to me…why would I hurt anyone with my wounds or pain? Why would I not want everything that is to experience my love and joy? Just imagine what illuminated minds could do for the state of mankind today. What would our world become? It would not be war, it would not be sorrow and it would not be grief. It would become love.

The simple light that comes from complicated darkness is love.

Making sense of the dark

dark makes sense

Have you ever had a moment when you felt that nothing made sense?  A moment where all your efforts in some area of your life (or perhaps several area’s) were for naught?  Perhaps you wondered why terrible things were happening to you.  Perhaps these terrible things seemed to make no sense.  You are a good person right?  So why did things happen to you that were not fair?  Have you had that moment?

I have had that moment.  I have had that moment more than once.  Most recently I had that moment in the spring of 2013 when many area’s of my life were just not working. I had been pretending but the longer I pretended the more the universe assisted me in making my pretense unbearable.  My love life had been a joke as I had been with a man that was not as he committed to be in our life together.  My career was in shambles as I had lost my drive and was mired in confusion about what outcomes I even sought.  My son was graduating high school and needed serious parenting yet I felt so lost each moment. How could I shine a light for him when I couldn’t even seem to shine for myself? I was barely able to put one foot in front of the other.  Every moment had a weight and a stress as I looked at my life with honest contemplation.  I could see a 2 year pattern of bad decisions made for reasons of insecurity, ego and human frailties that I didn’t want to believe that I had.  But the evidence was overwhelming in a terrible moment of clarity…..  One bad decision after another all stacked up into a result of awfulness that could no longer be ignored.

Please understand…..I’m not a stupid, lazy or thoughtless person. I have had entire decades of clarity and success.  But yet….there I was with so many dark things in my moments that little light shone into any given day.  I would open my eyes in the morning and mostly wish I didn’t have to get up to face all the things that needed to be dealt with.  Some days I would barely shuffle through getting dressed and had no possibility of my former level of accomplishment.  The pressure of things undone continued to build.  Everything felt dark and confusing.  Decisions that had seemed positive and energy spent in ways that had promised love, success and security….now seemed obvious mistakes. 

But if you are strong (as most of us are) you don’t stay down for the count.  You finally accept you fell down and fell hard.  After that acceptance you start thinking about why you fell, what you injured, how you fix it and how you get back up and moving forward again.

As time went on I moved away from my relationship into freedom.  Light began to trickle in.  I began to parent my son through some difficult decisions with the clarity the situation required. More clarity and light started to shine in each day.  I began to sell my business and settle my career situation. Finally joy and peace began to build in each day again.

 It is now January of 2014 and I am still making changes. I am facing the remnants of that dark time and understanding it’s lessons. My days are easier. I am no longer denying that poor decisions were poor. I lost the weight of pretending things were just going to work out.  It is not easier simply because of the work that went into moving forward and having already taken steps at this date.  It is easier because I am in the light of my truth again. 

I wake up holding myself and no one else responsible for how my day yields a harvest.  Once again I am accountable for the peace, joy, love and light that I create in each moment of each day.  I send gratitude to the universe for all the things that hurt me in 2011, 2012 into 2013.  Each of the dark things that hurt me also helped me learn a lesson and I am grateful.

It is darkness to find that friends are not always true.  Lovers are not always true.  Your own decisions are not always true.  What happens when things are really hard when most things have always been easy? What happens when you make fear based decisions rather than brave decisions? That dark moment of understanding of mistakes is when a hard working “lucky” person learns what is important.  That’s when the dark times start to make some sense. 

If we never find out what it feels like to be disappointed, hurt, given up, betrayed, lost or helpless….how can we have sympathy and compassion for those that are experiencing that state of being?  We simply can’t.  The darkest times of loss and betrayal or pain are the times that light the way to understanding of the human condition. If you haven’t been bound in a cage you don’t understand freedom. If you haven’t been ill you don’t know the value of healing.  If you haven’t been lost you don’t understand the security of knowing your way.  If you haven’t been completely knocked down with pain so intense you can barely move then you don’t know the freedom of running freely with joy.  All the darkest moments bring these lessons.  We may not enjoy them…we may not welcome them…but we do learn from them.

Grace comes only from our darker moments.  Compassion accompanies the person that understands dark times.   Appreciation of light is easiest as we leave darkness.  Clarity is understood when light shines through the confusion of darkness. 

If you are in a dark patch…struggling for light….push through.  Push through to the light and joy with all your being.  When you find your way back to the light celebrate your joy and freedom.  But don’t forget to look back for the lesson.  The dark teaches us to confront our fears, our ego and our losses. It teaches us to be kind.  It teaches us the value of love.  The dark makes sense in this complicated and beautiful universe we live in….though we will never enjoy it we can learn to be grateful for the lessons and the patterns of darkness that run though our lives.

The simple light that comes from the complicated darkness brings clarity, compassion, gratitude and grace.



Lets talk about quarks….



Did you know that the smallest sub bits of energy are called quarks?  Did you know that the simple act of measuring quarks and expecting a result in predictive movement influences the quarks to behave as expected? Think about that for just a moment.  The very act of expecting a result causes the smallest particles known – the basic fabric of all that is in the universe to actually behave as expected statistically.  A thought and expectation influences matter. 

Further realize that those same quarks vibrate and dance to tones.  These complicated little quarks come in pairs that are given names “up quark, down quark, charm quark, strange quark, top quark and bottom quark. They create patters from randomly generated tones.

 Imagine that all those little quarks in your body are expecting, attracting and cooperating with your intent.  Imagine that all the quarks in the entire universe are expecting, attracting and cooperating with your intent.  In fact quarks are cooperating with your intent.  You are the creator of your reality and as your quarks dance along to the tune you are producing and vibrating other quarks fall in line. 

Watch your thoughts, have clear intentions and allow the universe to bring you your hopes and dreams. You have more power in each day than you may realize.  You create more than you realize.  Are you creating light and love?  What are you choosing to allow your quarks to manifest in your life and in the lives of others? 

For more on quarks – some complicated quark science made simple –  


You can also read more about the lovely science of quarks in Brian Greene’s “The elegant universe”. 

The simple light that comes from complicated darkness of this universe is love.  Allow your quarks to dance with love and the light of your truth daily.